Forgive Yourself to Better Health

mentioned by Kathy Nicholson Sunday, January 4, 2009 on WRAF




Forgive Your Way to Better Health
Fred Luskin, PhD
Stanford University Forgiveness Project


Special from Bottom Line/Health
May 1, 2009


We all know that hostility increases risk for heart disease. But new research shows that forgiveness can moderate these dangerous effects on the heart. People who blame others for their problems have a higher incidence of chronic pain, cardiovascular disease and other ailments.

Why is forgiveness good for you? There are two primary reasons…

Forgiveness reduces chronic stress. Self-generated, chronic stress triggers negative physical changes, including increased blood pressure and heart rate and decreased immune function, all of which eventually lead to disease.

Forgiveness increases one’s sense of control. Feeling in control is crucial to health. It moderates the stress response because one is less likely to panic and overreact to situations. Feeling helpless can make you ill. When you learn how to forgive, you develop the emotional confidence to “get over” any difficulty.

DEFINING FORGIVENESS

Being forgiving does not require you to be an emotional doormat. You don’t have to condone an unkindness…forget that something painful happened…excuse poor behavior...and/or deny or minimize your hurt.

Nor does forgiveness mean that you must reconcile with an offender. Forgiveness is for you, not the offender. It prevents you from wasting energy by being trapped in anger. What then is forgiveness? It is the feeling of peace that you experience when you understand and accept that life doesn’t always give you what you want…that you don’t have to take a hurt so personally…that bad things need not ruin your present, even if they spoiled a part of your past.

HOW TO FORGIVE

Forgiveness is a skill. As with any skill, it requires practice to learn. Use these techniques to master forgiving…

Change the channel. First, take responsibility for how you feel. Even though you are hurt, try to appreciate the good in your life. Rather than rehashing your grievances, focus on gratitude, love and appreciation of beauty.

Imagine that what you see in your mind is being viewed on a TV screen. Perhaps you are stuck on the Grievance Channel. Reprogram your remote control to…

Gratitude Channel. As you wake up in the morning, give thanks for your breath and the gift of your life.

Love Channel. Look for people who are in love, and smile at their happiness. Call up a few close friends, and tell them you care about them.

Beauty Channel. Find a favorite spot in nature. In times of stress, remember what that spot looks and feels like.

Calm down. Learn to maintain your sense of peace in any situation, no matter how upsetting. A 45-second technique called Positive Emotion Refocusing Technique can calm you whenever you feel angry, hurt, depressed or bitter about an unresolved grievance or a relationship problem…

1. Bring your attention fully to your stomach as you slowly inhale and exhale for two deep breaths. As you inhale, allow the air to gently push your belly out. As you exhale, consciously relax your belly so that it feels soft.

2. On the third deep inhalation, bring to your mind’s eye an image of someone you love or a beautiful nature scene that fills you with awe or wonder.

3. Focus on the image and the resulting warm feelings, and notice that your belly is still slowly moving in and out.

4. When you feel relaxed, see if the part of you that is calm can allow you to see the situation differently.
Challenge your unenforceable rules. An “unenforceable rule” is a desire that you think must come true, but that you don’t have control over. This combination can make you feel helpless, mad, hurt and frustrated. You can eventually become bitter and hopeless.


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Bottom Line/Health interviewed Fred Luskin, PhD, director and cofounder of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project in Stanford, California. He is the author of Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness (HarperSanFrancisco).